We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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