I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They have beer where we have blood.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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