He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
