Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
