Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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