my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
