Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
