So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
