walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
