hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
