the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
