had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
