or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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