He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
