Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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