I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
