His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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