Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
