made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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