Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
