Im at strip club and am horny
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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