So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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