I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
