He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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