I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
