i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
