Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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