You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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