Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
