Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
