I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
