I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
zippers are such a cool invention
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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