if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
