Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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