hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
