Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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