WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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