you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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