she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
