I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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