We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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