i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
