quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
