I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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