Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
