I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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