it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
