nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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