My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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