My first STD was from a foam party
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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