Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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