Fuck appropriateness.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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