i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
