Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
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He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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