i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
