I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
