I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
