hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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