U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize