Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
