can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
