The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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