my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
