and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
