i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
