I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
