I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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