she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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