You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
