Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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