that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
