Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
