if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
