I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
