I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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