Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
