better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The beer is more important than you right now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
