I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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