Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize