sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
false alarm, still single
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