He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I fill condoms, not promises.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
