I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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