I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
