i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
