I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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