I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
