No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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