do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
