i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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